eller

...or, sexist subtitle, "Why Men* Never Cut Bread Properly", because that's what it seems to amount to in real life. ;) Ahem. So, a few nights ago, I met up with some other ladies for drinks. Somehow, this turned into one of us complaining bitterly about how her husband keeps producing Catastrophic!Bread!Spirals when cutting bread. Two others also agreed that, yes, their respective men also produce spirals rather than proper bread slices and how annoying that is. Well. I'm into technology and into knives, so, of course, I immediately took out pen and paper and produced some shitty construction drawings to show why the issue really comes down to hand size...

*I hope it's obvious this is not really a gender issue. Just that, statistically, any technical problem that exclusively hits people with very large hands is going to affect significantly more men than women.



In (1), you can see what cutting bread with an entirely straight bread knife should look like: In order to produce a clean cut, the knife is held completely horizontally, with all the teeth arriving down on the cutting board at the same time. At this point, if your hand is small enough and nothing else went catastrophically wrong, you should have produced a nice, regular slice of bread. (Because I was drunk while drawing, I'll provide translations. Tisch: table. Schneidbrett: cutting board. Brot: bread. Messer: knife. Kleine Hand: small hand. Also, no, this is not supposed to be an illustration of how to hold a bread knife... LOL)

But, oh noes, if the user's hand is too large, suddenly there's a problem! In (2), you can see that the fact that the fingers can't sink into the table surface causes the knife to be held at an angle! Under those circumstances, of course, there's an area of bread (marked orange) that's not going to be cut! And that's where the problem starts: the two main approaches to solve this are to either rip the underside of the bread (which results in really ugly slices for obvious reasons) or to rotate the bread. If you rotate the bread and your second cut does not perfectly align with the first (which it never does, not just because aligning two cuts perfectly always requires unusual levels of precision, but mainly because, hey, bread deforms when you suddenly exert pressure from a different direction, and while it's theoretically possible to correct for that, not everyone wants to fuck around with tensors during an otherwise uncomplicated kitchen task)? Catastrophic!Bread!Spirals are the logical result. Ladies, your men are neither malicious nor stupid, it's just that handing a completely straight bread knife without any kind of offset to a person with large hands is a shitty idea! (The same, of course, applies to any blade that's designed to arrive on the board surface completely horizontally. Like, also, absolutely anything with a sheepfoot blade...)

A possible solution is shown in (3): there are some bread knives with a bit of an offset that lowers the blade in relation to the handle, which means there's extra space for thicker fingers under the handle. (If you now immediately think "but this costs stability!, congratulations, you've been following my knife nerdery closely! Displacing the blade does cost stability. A knife like this will not withstand any hard impact. However, a bread knife is intended for cutting bread. If you are experiencing any kind of potentially blade-shattering impact on bread, there's most likely a bread malfunction... That is, unless you're the world's worst baker, or you intend to go into a knife fight with a bread knife - which I'd strongly advise against, even under the best of circumstances - this should never become an issue.) This extra space means that a person with large hands is now also able to hold the knife horizontally while cutting. YAY!

Other possible solutions to the problem, of course, include...
- using a thicker cutting board (which would also provide extra finger space, albeit in an impractical way... Generally, there's the recommendation your cutting board should be exactly as thick as your fingers* - not just for being able to place cuts in completely horizontal position at all, but also to provide a measure of when you've arrived on the board, with your fingers as the spacer, so you'll stop exerting pressure then, which protects your knives so you have to sharpen them less often - but at some point this becomes impractical as it results in very unwieldy cutting boards...)
- cutting at the edge of the table (which is going to be uncomfortable because you'll have to stand at an awkward angle or strain your shoulder, but, sure, this also provides extra finger space)
- cutting with reeeeaaally long arm motions (which is unergonomic as fuck, and you lose most of the advantage of that lovely serrated edge - as in, unless your knife is excellent, you're likely to shred the bread - so it only "works" in a very theoretical way but comes with other issues in practice)

*Yes, "a finger thick" as a measuring unit is not merely a historical relic; there are use cases when using your finger as a measuring unit actually fulfills an important practical purpose! Generally, when talking about tools, ergonomy, and so on, so much depends on an individual's hand that units like "a palm width" also have to be taken literally, and followed precisely, not as a guesstimate.

...but, really, it comes down to technology. I understand how painful it can be to watch Catastrophic!Bread!Spirals, but really, there's no need for a relationship conflict over this issue! (I simply got my boyfriend a bread knife he can actually use. It's now one of his favorite knives because, hey, if you like bread, the difference between being able to cut bread and not being able to cut bread really matters. Also, I guess it was a relief to learn that, nope, he's not that clumsy, he just had the wrong tool for the task.)

I'm also tagging this entry with Germany, because - obviously - this conversation scored very high on the VFGI (Very Fucking German Indeed) scale: People getting extremely emotional over bread - check. People getting extremely emotional over knives - check. Overly technical approach to, well, absolutely everything - check. Alcohol, alcohol, and more alcohol involved - check. The only reason this doesn't get a perfect score is that one of us arrived at the bar three minutes late.

This time fromursula. (If you want five questions from me, just say so in the comments!)

1. What about you--do you have a scar with a good story?

Not really. I have some scars, like, burn scars on my shoulders from when my hair caught fire (pretty much invisible now after all those years, the area just feels different), and a knife scar on my leg from (unsurprisingly) an inexpert knife attack, but none of that has any kind of interesting story attached - just freak accidents (I'm very prone to those) and, in the knife case, a typical schoolyard conflict, but nothing out of the ordinary. My probably most interesting freak accident (falling into a pond of cyanobacteria in the wadden sea) was gross (and led to washing salon workers being very upset with me and getting me banned from that place) but did not leave a physical scar.

2. What's your favorite bog plant?

Sundew! I mean, is there any question? Standing in a carpet of sparkly carnivorous weeds is fun and SO PRETTY!!!

3. Any interesting memories involving zoos?

Also, not really. My parents didn't like to take me to the zoo because the idea of wild animals in captivity upsets them, so my interesting memories involving animals typically involve animals in the wild. (Plus, of course, the wolves from the wolfcenter in Lower Saxony, which is technically not a zoo because it's a home for native wolves who can't survive in the wild. Interacting with wolves is always interesting.) I mostly went to the zoo when the parents of other kids went as a family or as a birthday celebration and brought me along. My memory is... looking at foreign animals from a distance?!? I mean, I suppose it's good I got to see them, from an educational standpoint, but it was never particularly interesting though I liked to feed the elephants (who took apples, bread, and raw pasta from visitors and were enthusiastic about kid visitors; I suppose the elephants thought we were cute?!?) when that still was allowed.

4. Favorite style of jewelry?

Tenntrad. I mean, I don't wear much jewelry (beyond my portable sundials because I collect any and all sundials including shitty nonfunctional sundials), but when I do, it's tenntrad bracelets. That's leather (typically reindeer though there are some exceptions) with embroidered patterns from tin wire (hence the name LOL), as well as sometimes leather bands, silver beads, or other materials (like, say, fabric bands - it's rare but it happens when an artisan decides it should happen). The button is usually reindeer antler (again, with some exceptions).



They're very comfortable to wear - reindeer leather is one of the most comfortable materials imaginable, and as a result, these are the only bracelets I will tolerate - and also, I have a deep appreciation for interesting geometrical patterns. (A scientist friend of mine called them my "math bracelets" and I suppose she wasn't wrong.) As a result, I have these bracelets in any and all possible and impossible colors, including but not limited to my favorite color combination, pink-and-yellow. Or (decidedly nontraditional) rainbow flag tenntrad. (They just accumulate!) Which reminds me, I should probably make a separate tenntrad post at some point, because it's such a lovely technique.

5. Is there an age of child you find particularly entertaining?

Entertaining? When it comes down to it, children are just... people who happen to be younger than I am. The age that's most interesting to interact with is probably from 8-12 because they're old enough to be reasonable and think for themselves (and not need supervision for stupid stuff) but still young enough to profit the most from conversation with adults with more knowledge and life experience, but I find that neither cute nor entertaining nor anything else of the sort. They're just people.

I got five questions from landofnowhere, thank you! :)

1. Favorite chess opening?

That's easy - my heart belongs to the Ruy Lopez / Spanish opening with white! :D With Black, I'm a Sicilian player, but really, I'm happiest when I can play the Ruy Lopez, which is not just one of the first openings I learned as a little girl, but also frequently results in positions that suit my style well. I have something like a ridiculous 80% win rate in that opening, and I'm just sad I don't get it on the board more often.

2. Tell me about an interesting book that hasn't been translated out of German (or at least not into English)?

Huh... Books... That's an interesting question, since a) I'm not a very bookish person, and b) large parts of my collection consist of political propaganda (of any affiliation whatsoever; I'm just fascinated by the concept) and erotica (which I'm sure you don't want me to discuss here in detail). But I'll combine this with the topology question and recommend - the complete collected writings of Brouwer (yes, the guy with the famous fixed point thingy). I believe his math papers have been translated if they weren't in English in the first place (he published in different languages) but he also wrote some philosophical and personal musings that I read recently, and... Okay, frankly, I concluded the guy was insane or an utter asshole (and that's an inclusive 'or'), but this stuff sure was entertaining - and I don't think anyone ever bothered to translate it. XD

3. What's some interesting wildlife near you?

Wolves. They're cute. :) Interesting, too - some local sheep farmers keep complaining about wolves killing their sheep, and asking for compensation money from the government (which they're getting). The most interesting thing is how many of the sheep carted off to the government show gunshot wounds upon closer examination, so, at some point, the local wolves have learned how to operate firearms! Isn't that fascinating? :D

4. If you could add something to the standard school curriculum, what would it be?

Different techniques for brainstorming / systematic / prompted / assisted thinking and problem-solving. Most school stuff, unfortunately, consists of rote memorization, and even that doesn't work equally well for all learning types, so... Yeah, I'd love teachers to at least mention there are different ways to approach unknown problems, and ideally provide several methods the students can try for themselves. Otherwise? I wouldn't add anything to the school curriculum. I'd remove half the content, though. And that's being generous. Speaking as someone who used to skip a lot of school due to chess: if I return to classes after a two-month absence and haven't missed anything important, clearly, the time of young people is being wasted.

5. A fun topology thing?

All topology is fun... But, since I already mentioned Brouwer's fixed point theorem, let's stick to the historic fundamentals - I'll give a honorary mention to Milnor's Analytic Proofs of the “Hairy Ball Theorem” and the Brouwer Fixed Point Theorem since that's clearly the most amusing math paper in existence. Simple! Elegant! And... I laughed my ass off! :D Definite recommendation.

Everyone, look at this, yhlee made me a sketch book! (To fully admire the craft that went into binding the book, look at his journal entry with more pictures and descriptions how it was made.)



The chess position on the cover isn't random - rather, it's the end position of my favorite chess grandmaster game ever, Tal - Hjartason, 1987. I squeaked when I unpacked the mystery package and saw this diagram! (It's the kind of super-weird position that, uh, has a lot of recognition value.)



The back cover is chess-themed, too. :)



And the book holds a selection of different papers in different colors! YAY! I knew some of them, but others were new to me, so I couldn't wait to test them all! The book is suuuuper fun to use, and for dmonstration purposes, I decided to show the first page of each paper section, with the picture I painted on it. Recently, I've mostly sketched with black and white acrylic pens and my watercolors, so that's what I've used here as well.

( Behind a cut, because hey, these are a lot of pictures. )

As you can see, I'm enjoying the book a lot already! :D It's not full yet, but... Only a matter of time. ^^°

It's after midnight, so, it's technically Easter Sunday now where I live... Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates, and a wonderful time to absolutely everyone! I actually don't celebrate, but I participate in the fun local traditions anyway - and clearly, the best of those is getting to paint eggs! (I'm just treating it as a generic celebration of spring.) Any excuse for some creative activity! :D



This year's easter egg theme was actually a bit of an emergency solution - I usually prefer having a variety of colors, but the only eggs available in all the local supermarkets were brown (and, let's face it, with the food situation being what it is, we were lucky there were eggs), which means I was somewhat limited. (Green and blue dyes only look good on white eggs, and yellow on brown? Forget it!) I mixed red and orange food colorant to get the background color, because I figured pure red would be too dark for proper contrast with the drawings, and pure orange wouldn't really show up on brown eggs. I drew the chess pieces with a brand new food pen (you know, the kind you also use for drawing on fondant and the like) that will be getting a 1-star review from me because it ran out of ink and I wasn't able to fill the dark areas properly, which if you ask me is wholly unreasonable after only six tiny drawings. Anyway, as improvised as they are, I'm happy I have chess easter eggs now. Silhouette style always works for me! And they were so much fun to paint! Maybe I'll eat them while playing online chess? Then again, I wanted to do some old-fashioned baking tomorrow, so, we'll see. :)

For anyone who thought the Scheitholt looked a bit too complicated... This is a monochord, the simplest imaginable zither. Dad built that a few years ago.



I didn't even know about its existence because it was in Dad's collection of obscure homemade musical instruments. (He said it was stored "right next to his selfmade xylophone", which is an instrument I don't touch. Ever.) Maybe, at some point, we should make a proper inventary within the family, considering I own some instruments that surprised Dad, and clearly, he didn't always inform me about his crafting projects... LOL. (Granted, we own a sh*tload of questionable instruments, most of which aren't considered instruments by civilized people in the first place, so, it's hard to keep track...)

Oooookay, shopping for zithers is annoying. Yes: zithers, plural. At this point, I'm unwilling to spend the €€€ on a new or professionally restored instrument. So, what I did was to order several cheap, old zithers on eBay. I firmly stuck to the "old" that means it's too old to be considered useable, but not old enough to be considered a valuable antique. Chord zithers in that category are, of course, dirt cheap. I bought more than one because, hey, you can expect most used instruments (which were not very good in the first place) to be somehow damaged, so, if I buy four, maybe one of them may be somewhat playable. And this approach is still much cheaper than actually buying a decent instrument. I guess I'll just see what arrives in the mail. Surprise zithers, yay! XD

...and what I'm still desperately searching for is an actual Scheitholt in its original form, which is that of a large drone zither. Ideally one from Lower Saxony because, hey, local culture. I'd be willing to pay any price for that.

The thing is: no one ever manufactured those professionally. There's a reason. (Most likely, professional instrument builders took one look at the design and said no thanks.) The most detailed description of a Scheitholt (although it has been documented even earlier) is from around 1600: Praetorius described the instrument. He was... not entirely convinced, either.

"
Although this instrument should be referred to among the rag instruments, I have nevertheless included it in here, because it is known to few, and is not at all unlike a firewood log or piece of wood, for it is almost like a small monochord made of three or four thin boards, badly joined together, with a small collar at the top, in which three or four pegs are stuck, and covered with three or four brass strings. Three are unisono but one is forced down in the middle with a chopper, so that it must resonate a fifth higher: And if one wishes, the fourth string can be added an octave higher. Over all of these strings, however, the right thumb is always used to move over the bottom of the string, and a small smooth stick in the left hand is used to press back and forth on the first string, so that the melody of the chant is brought about over the frets that are struck as brass wires.
"
(Michael Praetorius, Syntagma Musicum II De Organographia, Wolfenbüttel 1619, translated by me)

Basically, yeah, the instrument design was shitty by the standards of 1619, and - because we're talking about a remarkably unbroken musical tradition (as in, newer instruments look exactly like the figure in Praetorius' book, although the overall size and the number of strings can vary) - it's still shitty by the standards of today. Objectively speaking, it may be the world's worst zither. I still want one, please! ;_;

Soooo, today we had a bit of a Friday afternoon group trip... We went to the Rhododendronpark (in Bremen) and took our art supplies. Ironically, today, I was the only one of the group not working in color: I had brought my watercolors but a) was feeling lazy, and b) would have had to share the watercolor box, since some group members don't have their own paints.



Isn't this magnolia pretty? XD Funnily enough, there are enough magnolia trees in the park, and they're all blossoming, and yet, my friend I., independently of me, chose the exact same bloom to draw. (She did that after I had already finished my drawing and moved on - she had no way of knowing...) Great minds think alike?!?



This tulip was just starting to wither a bit... But I found the shapes very interesting! (Also, in this picture, you can see the material I used: two thin acrylic pens by Flysea and a broader white pen by Uni Posca. The paper is the Hahnemühle Cappuccino Book, A5 size.)



Oh, and this flower, the Americans among you probably already know - I didn't. This one was completely new to me! It's not native to Europe, so... Yeah, you probably wouldn't see it in the wild in these parts. It's good to have a park with a very enthusiastically maintained botanical collection, you learn new things every year! Anyway, I was super happy to learn a new plant, and immediately had to draw it from different perspectives! :) I was the only one to choose this flower, though: IT STINKS. Wow, it stinks.

Life's good.

- 1 million (!!!) XP on Chessable today! I was very productive: I did some opening repetitions, some tactics training, and finished four free courses. I love these free courses.

- I'm still amazed at how offensive pictures of cute little animals can be. LOL

- Plan for the rest of the evening: draw chess picture. Drink tea. SLEEP.

Life's busy but okay. :3

- I had mail! A lovely handmade New Year's card from goss and a letter from yhlee. Also a few cards from postcrossing. They really seem to deliver international mail in batches.

- I've almost finished my Chocolate Box assignment! And I'm even having fun writing it. That's a surprise. :D

- I love my ice cream machine. I made apricot ice cream with yoghurt and it was great!

- Still experimenting with handmade watercolors, the mad scientist way. If I continue this hobby I should probably invest in scales at some point. LOL

So here's my next experiment: skin tones!



These were overdue: I'm super annoyed that, if you try to buy pre-mixed skin tones they always contain opaque white so you can't go as dark as you want with them. Also, I really dislike having to use "earth pigments" like PBr7 or PY42 for brown skin because they look like, well, earth - not skin. (It's the texture.) I wanted transparent and staining and absolutely-not-granulating skin tones that I can use for dark skin and dilute for light skin.

So... I actually produced these from the primary colors. :D All three skin tones contain the same pigments, just in different ratios. I'm pretty confident I can render almost all skin colors with a combination of these three, and maybe the help of an indigo or dark purple (which I don't need to produce: there are enough on the market) - but, importantly, they're not orange-pink-whiteish mud...