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ellerToday's shitty knife (for 'bushcraft enthusiasts') is a masterpiece of awful (and dangerous) knife production that is enjoyed best along with its product description.
It's the knife model 'Erästäjä 85' by the company Eräpuu, bought on Scandinavian Outdoor. (Product link: here.)
I left the price tag on intentionally so you can see which category of product we're talking about: this is a factory-made knife-shaped object that you might find in a hardware store.
"
A compact puukko for real-world use.
"
Dear sellers of this piece of crap, fucking yourself with something sharp is also a real-world use...
Come on. The lines on this are completely messed up. Bumpitty-WHAT? I mean, compare this to nicely streamlined puukkos... This is a design tragedy. None of the lines are clear, none of the vectors are clear - trying to use this is fucking dangerous because the design is so fucking dumb. (I tested this - on a warped wooden door with a part that kept getting stuck and had to be removed - while taking serious safety precautions, because it was clear just from looking at it that something was going to break.) This comes with HIGH values of WTF.
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The blade length and sharpening angle make this great for carving wood
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The blade length and sharpening angle are fine, but this is a fucking clip-point blade. Clip point. You really want to tell me this is for woodcarving? (It's also a badly made, very irregular clip point AND lifted far out from the centerline. That's going to break as soon as someone tries to use it, but never mind - I wasn't even testing that anymore because it's obvious what's going to happen.) Please, whoever thought this was a good idea, go and fuck yourself with something sharp.
(Hint: clip-points are for piercing and stabbing and - if made well - typically belong on hunting knives as well as some combat knives. Woodcarving? Hell no. Also, THIS particular point belongs on NO knife.)
"
the perfect choice for bushcraft enthusiasts.
"
Sure. I think I've already made clear what I think of 'bushcraft' - but if they're trying to say this is a knife for people who know shit about knives, the statement may actually be accurate. No one else (except for people like me who have a perverse sense of humor) is going to buy it, anyway.
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The handle is sized for women and junior users
"
This is correct, and they offer the same knife model in different sizes - that's something I unironically approve of. I'm always happy when someone acknowledges that female knife users exist. Now, if only they'd do that with a better knife design...
"
Oiled wood handle with a slightly rough surface - great grip
"
Also true, it's very non-slippery and the wood quality is... not quite top-grade, but actually very good for the price. The finish is matte, just the way I like it. The handle quality is perfectly okay! I mean, I kind of dislike the shape, but that's one that classically exists, and I suppose some people like it. No problem.
The actual problem (beyond overall bad design) is that the blade doesn't fit the handle! Notice how the blade is actually broader than the brass ferrule holding it? That's a huge problem right there - it fucks up all the force vectors. I'm sure it was unintentional (the knife in the seller's example picture doesn't have this issue) but any kind of quality control should have caught this. Of course, 'cheap factory knife' and 'quality control' are mutually exclusive, but still, this is glaringly obvious.
"
Carbon steel blade
"
Not a lie... It's just an extremely shitty carbon steel blade. According to other sources, the company also (just like 'Wood Jewel', whose crappy knives I have reviewed already) uses the factory-made blades of Laurin Metalli, which I'm going to believe because they share the same flaws in terms of shitty grind. (I'm not going to repeat all my grievances re: irregular work and mystery microbevels, but they're present as well.) They're actually okay by 'factory-made' standards, but still far from good.
For reference: I managed to break the blade during my first use of it. And it didn't even surprise me.
Now, if you read in an online review, "I broke the blade during my first use!!!11", you SHOULD be sceptical of this statement - in 99.9% of cases, it's due to improper blade use, not due to any fault of the knife. (The 'classic': snapped-off knife tip because a knife beginner tried to use the tip for cutting, or - worse - as a bottle opener. Really, it's amazing how beginners tend to overuse the tip.) However, while I'm admittedly rough on my knives, you'll have to trust me that I don't routinely damage them beyond repair while simply shaving off straight wood splinters. This is really a design issue.
On a knife designed for woodcarving, the part of the blade closest to the handle should be the best area for cutting. (This is also why, from my perspective, a ricasso makes zero sense on this knife type.) However, due to the blade being broader than the ferrule - though that was only a fraction of a millimeter - the force vectors were all fucked up. We can hypothesize that cheap blade production and bad heat treatment also contributed to the fiasco (they likely did) but the main issue here was simply the geometry.
I knew something like this was going to happen. I waited for it. I wore safety gloves, goggles, and a thick scarf. Enough said. XD
The sellers of this thing should be arrested, really. I mean, I know better than to take a €37.90 factory knife with obvious design issues into the field - I value my life higher than that - but they're marketing it to a 'knife beginner' target group, and no matter how ridiculous those 'bushcrafter' types are, they don't deserve to be handed products that endanger them. (Flying metal shards are no joke, and larger pieces can actually kill a person.) Just imagine someone going on their first camping trip with this thing!
"
Traditional Finnish leather sheath
"
I have no complaints about the sheath. It's simple and generic, but fits the knife well - which is the best that can be expected for the price. (It's actually a lot better than most other cheap knife sheaths!) That's fine - I don't go for lavish decorations, anyway, and this thing will do its job, which is what I care about. No problem here.
The following technical information (measurements, weight, etc.) is also presumably correct. (I did not weigh the knife; I'll just believe them.) But...
"
Handles made of synthetic materials always look the same, but wood handles each have a unique grain pattern - this means the knife you receive will not match the product image 100%. Please note that we do not accept grain patterns as a reason for a product exchange.
"
BWAHAHAHAHA! They really know their target group, don't they?
Why do I feel the intended buyer's name is Karen?
It's the knife model 'Erästäjä 85' by the company Eräpuu, bought on Scandinavian Outdoor. (Product link: here.)
I left the price tag on intentionally so you can see which category of product we're talking about: this is a factory-made knife-shaped object that you might find in a hardware store.
"
A compact puukko for real-world use.
"
Dear sellers of this piece of crap, fucking yourself with something sharp is also a real-world use...
Come on. The lines on this are completely messed up. Bumpitty-WHAT? I mean, compare this to nicely streamlined puukkos... This is a design tragedy. None of the lines are clear, none of the vectors are clear - trying to use this is fucking dangerous because the design is so fucking dumb. (I tested this - on a warped wooden door with a part that kept getting stuck and had to be removed - while taking serious safety precautions, because it was clear just from looking at it that something was going to break.) This comes with HIGH values of WTF.
"
The blade length and sharpening angle make this great for carving wood
"
The blade length and sharpening angle are fine, but this is a fucking clip-point blade. Clip point. You really want to tell me this is for woodcarving? (It's also a badly made, very irregular clip point AND lifted far out from the centerline. That's going to break as soon as someone tries to use it, but never mind - I wasn't even testing that anymore because it's obvious what's going to happen.) Please, whoever thought this was a good idea, go and fuck yourself with something sharp.
(Hint: clip-points are for piercing and stabbing and - if made well - typically belong on hunting knives as well as some combat knives. Woodcarving? Hell no. Also, THIS particular point belongs on NO knife.)
"
the perfect choice for bushcraft enthusiasts.
"
Sure. I think I've already made clear what I think of 'bushcraft' - but if they're trying to say this is a knife for people who know shit about knives, the statement may actually be accurate. No one else (except for people like me who have a perverse sense of humor) is going to buy it, anyway.
"
The handle is sized for women and junior users
"
This is correct, and they offer the same knife model in different sizes - that's something I unironically approve of. I'm always happy when someone acknowledges that female knife users exist. Now, if only they'd do that with a better knife design...
"
Oiled wood handle with a slightly rough surface - great grip
"
Also true, it's very non-slippery and the wood quality is... not quite top-grade, but actually very good for the price. The finish is matte, just the way I like it. The handle quality is perfectly okay! I mean, I kind of dislike the shape, but that's one that classically exists, and I suppose some people like it. No problem.
The actual problem (beyond overall bad design) is that the blade doesn't fit the handle! Notice how the blade is actually broader than the brass ferrule holding it? That's a huge problem right there - it fucks up all the force vectors. I'm sure it was unintentional (the knife in the seller's example picture doesn't have this issue) but any kind of quality control should have caught this. Of course, 'cheap factory knife' and 'quality control' are mutually exclusive, but still, this is glaringly obvious.
"
Carbon steel blade
"
Not a lie... It's just an extremely shitty carbon steel blade. According to other sources, the company also (just like 'Wood Jewel', whose crappy knives I have reviewed already) uses the factory-made blades of Laurin Metalli, which I'm going to believe because they share the same flaws in terms of shitty grind. (I'm not going to repeat all my grievances re: irregular work and mystery microbevels, but they're present as well.) They're actually okay by 'factory-made' standards, but still far from good.
For reference: I managed to break the blade during my first use of it. And it didn't even surprise me.
Now, if you read in an online review, "I broke the blade during my first use!!!11", you SHOULD be sceptical of this statement - in 99.9% of cases, it's due to improper blade use, not due to any fault of the knife. (The 'classic': snapped-off knife tip because a knife beginner tried to use the tip for cutting, or - worse - as a bottle opener. Really, it's amazing how beginners tend to overuse the tip.) However, while I'm admittedly rough on my knives, you'll have to trust me that I don't routinely damage them beyond repair while simply shaving off straight wood splinters. This is really a design issue.
On a knife designed for woodcarving, the part of the blade closest to the handle should be the best area for cutting. (This is also why, from my perspective, a ricasso makes zero sense on this knife type.) However, due to the blade being broader than the ferrule - though that was only a fraction of a millimeter - the force vectors were all fucked up. We can hypothesize that cheap blade production and bad heat treatment also contributed to the fiasco (they likely did) but the main issue here was simply the geometry.
I knew something like this was going to happen. I waited for it. I wore safety gloves, goggles, and a thick scarf. Enough said. XD
The sellers of this thing should be arrested, really. I mean, I know better than to take a €37.90 factory knife with obvious design issues into the field - I value my life higher than that - but they're marketing it to a 'knife beginner' target group, and no matter how ridiculous those 'bushcrafter' types are, they don't deserve to be handed products that endanger them. (Flying metal shards are no joke, and larger pieces can actually kill a person.) Just imagine someone going on their first camping trip with this thing!
"
Traditional Finnish leather sheath
"
I have no complaints about the sheath. It's simple and generic, but fits the knife well - which is the best that can be expected for the price. (It's actually a lot better than most other cheap knife sheaths!) That's fine - I don't go for lavish decorations, anyway, and this thing will do its job, which is what I care about. No problem here.
The following technical information (measurements, weight, etc.) is also presumably correct. (I did not weigh the knife; I'll just believe them.) But...
"
Handles made of synthetic materials always look the same, but wood handles each have a unique grain pattern - this means the knife you receive will not match the product image 100%. Please note that we do not accept grain patterns as a reason for a product exchange.
"
BWAHAHAHAHA! They really know their target group, don't they?
Why do I feel the intended buyer's name is Karen?
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